The Words from A Father That Rescued Us as a New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a respite - going on a couple of days away, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."